Was I the Victim of a Nefarious and Premeditated Scheme?

As a result of this story, you may hear other versions as key players come forward in an attempt to diminish their role in a nefarious and premeditated scheme. Do not be fooled. This is the real story. 

Recently we began to look at whether there was a demand for audio versions of my books. Initial interest was driven primarily by my wife’s grandmother who due to vision issues can no longer read. 

Like most things do around here, it got started as a friends and family affair. My wife began to research whether the demand was significant enough to support the production and marketing costs.  When she was happy with what she found, she strongly suggested we go forward with a new venture— our first audio book.  

The whole process started out harmless enough. We requested and received different samples from trained voice actors. Those samples went out to our devoted early reader group and production folks.  They quickly got rid of the Australian guy (although we sell our books there) and the soft and gentle voice which just wasn’t Cabrelli (my main character).  I went along with things, listened to the samples and thought a couple of them sounded pretty good. We sent requests back for additional samples from narrators we liked.  

I was, however, naively unaware that there was a conspiracy a foot.  It started with a minor rumble much like a round rock slide or a thunderstorm. Then my wife broached the question, “Have you ever thought about reading your own book?” 
My answer, “Nope the thought never crossed my mind.” 

“Would you consider it? You know there is a new trend where authors read their own books. It really goes over well with audio book listeners.”

I had never heard of any such trend. But the fact that I never heard of it doesn’t really account for much.

Soon the rockslide pummeled me into the recording studio where I did a voice sample. I was certain, absolutely certain that they would reject me. I didn’t know how deeply the conspiracy went. The audio engineer said, “Hey Jeff that sounded great, we can work with you.”

Next I knew, my voice sample was sent around with others we had received and everyone was asked to pick their favorite or say let’s continue the search. At the end of this process I voted for Ethan, unfortunately Jeff won.    

Suddenly, I was booked into the studio to record myself reading my first book Figure Eight.  Once put to a task, I always try to give it my best. In this case the first obstacle we had to overcome a lack of talent on the reader’s part. The sound engineer was patient, I’m pretty sure he found working with me a challenge, but we persevered. Halfway through the reading, I contracted some sort of “not covid” plague that wiped out my voice. I tried but they said I needed to wait until my voice got better. At this point, the last thing I wanted to do was delay things.
As soon as I healed, I was put back in harness and began to try and figure out what I sounded like before we had to take the break. Then the day came, we had come to the end. It was over—that is, until it wasn’t. The sound engineer needed me back for some retakes, and then back for more retakes. Finally, it was really over, and everyone was happy.

Now that it is released, folks have been asking me if I like it. I’m sworn to tell the truth: I never have and never will listen to it. I can’t think of anything further down on my listening list than hearing me drone on.  Will I be reading the next books? 
Interesting question, I have some skills, I can fix my tractor (most of the time), do pretty well in the outdoors, repair what needs repairing, and cook. My personal skill list is okay. 

So now can I add audio book narrator to the list? No not a chance, it will fall into the abyss of one and done. Ethan has nothing to worry about.

Happy Trails,

Jeff